If I were a farmer, I’d live in Oklahoma,
I’d have a million cows, a unibrow, and some overalls to boot.
If I were a painter, I’d live in New York city,
I’d paint something real pretty, city life, I’d wear a second hand brown suit,
If I we're a waiter, I’d carry mashed potatoes,
and a big old steak out to the guy who’s sitting in the booth
If I was in the FBI, I would help the world fight crime, a walkie talkie,
a secret op e-ven a wiretappin dude
But I’m just a normal guy, with a light in my eye,
in love with a world that is so alive.
Isn’t it scary, how everythings a mystery
happy, sad, confused, whats the meaning of life?
If I were a, politician, I’d follow the tradition,
and I cheat and lie, but it’s all right, hey that ain't nothing new.
If I drove a taxi cab, I would run up all the tabs,
just to save some dough, that I could blow on cigarettes and booze.
If I were the devil, I’d cause alot of trouble,
Hey, I’d come to earth, and go to church, and sit right in a pew.
If I was a criminal, living in prison cell, wouldn’t drop my soap, that’s on
a rope, near Bubba and his crew.
If I were a nudist, that would be the coolest.
I'd stand in line at the five and dime in nothing but my shoes.
If I were a CEO, I'd have a lot of cash to blow,
I'd buy inside tips on wall st and let Martha Stewart know
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